How it all started

We were casually standing on the schoolyard. Once again our topic was our future. Which jobs we would take and how those jobs looked like.
Suddenly everybody started to talk about studying psychology. How it would ruin your life and when you get your diploma you just sit in your office and listen to suicidal mothers.

Even if they were right, why do they all want to be a psychologist? Furthermore, do they know that they are talking about psychiatrists? There’s a difference please remember that guys.
Later on that day two of my classmates were calling each other “sweetie” and “baby”.
They were both best friends and girls (Don’t get me wrong I’m not a homophobe it’s just … please read further). When they both weren’t with each other they use to talk bad about each other.
And suddenly they’re sweethearts?! WHAT?! Why overusing those words so much? Just like on Facebook. Everybody loves everybody. This is so exhausting. I neither believe in best friends nor do I believe in love which makes me practically an outsider.
I asked if they could stop saying this word when I’m around and I think they got me wrong.
“Gosh mary, You are so immature you never talked to a boy did you?”
Aaaaaand I snapped. Are you saying that your ‘best friend’ is a boy? Or that I’m not enough of a slut to breathe the same air as you?

The longest conversation you ever had with a boy, was with your uncle in a car. 

I wish I would have said that. I wanted so badly! But what’s better than a reputation to be an angel? What’s better than everybody thinking the wrong of you and you’re the only one knowing the truth?
Knowing that the person calling you a child is going to get dumped when she confesses her love to her dream boy?
That’s right. Mary notices everything. She has a thing for him and I knew he disliked her.
This unspoken victory made me leave them.
Since when was I such a bitch? What did she do me wrong that I’m getting so mean? Was I angry or did I just wanted to be better than her? DAMMIT how am I supposed to find out?

On the next day I announced the thing with the blog. They laughed so hard. I waited till they would calm themselves down but apparently they didn’t. What was that feeling now? Anger or Sadness?
Why do I feel so unfair when I am talking to my classmates?

Well yes, at least I got that. Usually a kid of the age of 6 to 8 develops the feeling of fairness. My Doctor was sure I did too but it seemed like I wasn’t able to estimate it. I didn’t notice that it was unfair if somebody copied my homework but when I needed a favor he/she would turn me down.
That’s what i learned now! Late but great! This new feeling of unfairness is just what I needed in such times!